May 14th, 2010
I have no idea why Jessica Stroup and I are not dating yet. She’s hot as hell and I’m one of most awesome guys on the planet so it only makes perfect sense that we’d be an item. I guess Jessica doesn’t really know what she’s missing by not dating me so I’m going to lay it out for her in point form.
- I woke up this morning and jump kicked a hole in my bedroom wall
- My ringtone is the theme from MacGuyver
- I just spent the last hour in a BOUNCY CASTLE!!!
As you can see Jessica Stroup, I’m a catch and I expect an email from you any day now. Please send naked pics.
Click here for more pictures of my future GF Jessica Stroup
Tags: 90210, BOUNCY CASTLE, Celebrities, Girls, Jessica Stroup, Women
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May 7th, 2010
I don’t care what anyone thinks but women on motorbikes are the sexiest creatures on the planet. Today when I was driving I saw a girl on a crotch rocket and when I pulled up to her at a red light she gave me the thumbs up. I’m not really sure why but I think it had something to do with the hot pink muscle shirt I was wearing. Chicks love my clothes. If Jessica Lowndes saw me I’m pretty sure she’d have the same reaction but instead of just giving me a thumbs up she’d probably want me to do her – 2 times. I would probably take her up on that offer but I’d definitely make sure to take off my muscle shirt first. This shit is one of a kind.
Click here for more pictures of Jessica Lowndes being perfect at the Charlotte Ronson and JC Penney Spring Cocktail Jam
Tags: 90210, Celebrities, Girls, Jessica Lowndes, Women
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February 19th, 2010
Jessica Stroup isn’t doing anything particularly interesting in these pictures except for looking hot but that’s all I really need to justify making a post about her. I guess she was at Brian Reyes Fall 2010 fashion show in New York and I guess that’s interesting. I bet they had delicious snacks there. That’s interesting. She’s wearing a blue dress. That’s kind of interesting.
It’s strange because I usually get sick of women after a few months of knowing who they are but with Jessica it’s the exact opposite. The more time that goes by the more I like her. I think her and I should probably get married because I like this feeling and I want it to last. She has no choice in this matter. We’re married now.
Click here for more pictures of Jessica Stroup at the Brian Reyes Fall 2010 Fashion Show
Tags: 90210, Brian Reyes Fall 2010, Celebrities, Girls, Girls I want to marry, Jessica Stroup, Women
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February 19th, 2010
I’m really glad Shape magazine decided to unveil their new cover with AnnaLynne McCord over the Internet rather than just throwing it onto store shelves. Not that there’s anything wrong with surprising people with a fancy new issue but take it from someone who knows – there’s nothing more difficult than trying to jerk off in the Safeway bread aisle. I tried to do it once back in the day and it was really embarrassing when I got caught. Not because I was pleasuring myself in public but more because I was looking at Cat Fancy. Paint my face red.
Tags: 90210, AnnaLynne McCord, Celebrities, Girls, Girls That Weigh 90 Pounds, Shape Magazine, Women
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February 16th, 2010
These new pictures of AnnaLynne McCord at NYC Fashion Week are not only extremely hot but they undoubtedly prove that AnnaLynne McCord built a time machine. She looks like she’s straight from the 1970s, where women were their hottest and you didn’t have to wear a bow in your hair to get guys to like you. I like AnnaLynne McCord because she’s never went out of her way to dress like a hipster. Not that I don’t find hipster girls attractive, I’m just saying that every once in awhile a man needs a change of pace and doesn’t want to see a girl wearing thick rimmed glasses. AnnaLynne McCord knows what I like and I think in some strange way she’s feathering her hair to get me to notice her. I noticed you AnnaLynne, now put the dress on the floor by my race car bed and we can be friends.
Also, I would like to use your time machine to go look at a dinosaur. Not one that eats me though. Just one of those ones that look like a hairless puppy. I want to pet it. Thx.
Click here for more pictures of AnnaLynne McCord looking sexy at NYC Fashion Week!
Tags: 90210, AnnaLynne McCord, Celebrities, Girls, Jill Stuart, NYC Fashion Week, Tight Skirt, Women, Women who have built time machines
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February 3rd, 2010
Looky! Looky! I like when girls do things like this because they try to pretend that they didn’t actually mean to but you know they actually did. I’m pretty sure most girls have see-through shirts reserved for those special days where they want people to look at their boobs and not their face. Ladies have tricks like this. I kind of relate it to when I wear my really tight work out pants to the gym and you can pretty much see my full girth. I know you can see it and I know it makes you uncomfortable but it’d be a crime not to parade my dog around. I once had a girl ask me if I had a pop can down there but then I just replied with “Can’t you see I’m working out and trying to get RIPPED IN 4 WEEKS BITCH!??!” She was a little scared but after being exposed to the mental picture of my manliness she came back later and bought me dinner. I’m the f-cken man and I don’t you forget it Internet.
Click here for more pictures of AnnaLynne McCord’s nipple and some black guy
Tags: 90210, AnnaLynne McCord, Celebrities, Girls, Nipple Slip, Stories about me working out, Women
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February 2nd, 2010
I haven’t had a post about Jessica Lowndes on here for awhile so I thought it was about time to make that happen. Here are some new pictures of Jessica from this past weekend at the 1st Annual Data Awards. I have no idea what this award show is but I’d like to believe that the winners are chosen by that guy from Star Trek that looks like someone took a clothes iron to his face. I think he was supposed to be a clone or some guy with autism. He was stupid.
Click here for more pictures of my dream girl Jessica Lowndes at the 1st Annual Data Awards
Tags: 90210, Celebrities, Girls, Girls I want to marry, Jessica Lowndes, Women
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January 18th, 2010
If you didn’t know the Golden Globes were last night. I guess Avatar won something and for like the 6th year in a row John Ritter got snubbed by not winning anything. Obviously these people don’t know a real artist when they see one. So yeah, I didn’t watch the Golden Globes because I had better things to do (washing dog, staring at wall, nothing) but that doesn’t mean that I wasn’t looking forward to today. The day after the awards where you get to look at pictures of all the hot ladies at the show wearing dresses and standing around. Magical. I’m going to do a full post of random women later but for now here are pictures of Jessica Stroup at Warner Bros and InStyle’s Golden Globe After-Party. I love her.
Click here for more pictures of Jessica Stroup at the Golden Globes!
Tags: 90210, Celebrities, Girls, Golden Globes, Jessica Stroup, Women
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December 16th, 2009
Oh wow. Last year Jessica Stroup was my favorite girl on 90210 but was quickly overtaken by Jessica Lowndes when Stroup stopped weighing 50 pounds and started weighing a healthy 90. Gaining weight – LOL who does that on purpose ?! Now that I’ve gotten my sticky hands on these pictures of Jessica from the latest Complex I’m starting to think that maybe it’s time that I put on my conductor’s hat and hopped back onto the Stroup boner train.
If you didn’t know the Stroup boner train is actually something that exists. I created it back in 2008 out of paper mache, a Tonka truck, and Jessica Stroup’s head shot from Zoey 101. It only lasted me one afternoon but what a memorable one it turned out to be.
Source: Complex
Tags: 90210, Celebrities, Girls, Girls That Weigh 90 Pounds, Jessica Stroup, Women
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